Last Updated on March 21, 2020
I don’t know what I could possibly say about jeans that hasn’t already been said before, but I’m gonna have a crack at it. Look, I wear jeans every single day, except for summer, and even then, I cut my jeans off and wear them as shorts.
It’s the fabric of our lives, right next to plastic, so we’ve been reinventing it for while, now. The 90s brought a lot of…interesting jeans, and some cool ones we’re still wearing today.
Skinny jeans were not a thing back in the 90s, as I’m sure you know, and guess what, Linda? They’re going out of style, now, too. No need to panic – we live in a wonderful, democratic fashion time where anything goes, but if you want to be at the height of fashion, that means baggy jeans.
Or at least, baggy-ER jeans. Boyfriend jeans, girlfriend jeans, straight leg jeans, mom jeans peg leg jeans – they’re all here to stay for a while, and that’s cool, cause they’re comfy as hell, even if they make your butt look big. You can escape Frump City by wearing a tighter (preferably cropped) top with them.
When I was 10 years old, I had a pair of jeans with the 101 Dalmatians and I freaking loved those things. I literally wore them non-stop until an actual dog (not a Dalmatian, but a Chihuahua) sunk its teeth into them, and into me, by extension. True story.
Anyway, what I’m saying is that I would like to relive those days of glory (minus the dog bite and the tetanus shot) by getting a brand new pair of cartoon jeans. They’re fun, they’re quirky, and you can wear whatever boring top, because they make a statement.
Listen, chic is whatever you want it to be – to a certain extent. Anything can be chic, if you rock it with confidence and you’re one of THOSE girls, but there are also things that are considered “objectively” chic. Right now, it’s the trendy cropped ones, high-waisted ones, and kick-flares. Bet you never thought you’d actively go out to buy highwaters, did you?
The thing about “chic” jeans is that they go with absolutely everything and they make any outfit cool, you know? So, pick them out carefully and maybe you’ll be able to wear them for more than one season.
They’ve come out with jeans of all kind and in all kinds of materials, but I personally shun those. I’m a jeans purist, which means I only accept denim. Real, rugged, thick, non-elasticated denim. And if that’s too rough for you, go back to leggings.
Sorry, I’m not trying to gatekeep. I just think denim jeans are the most classic and look the best, and they are ridiculously versatile. I can’t think of an occasion where jeans would be inappropriate, barring like, a Royal wedding, but we’re not getting one of those again until one of the fresh batch of royals is getting hitched, and that’s not for another 20 years.
I keep seeing how distressed jeans are in fashion, but…they’re always in fashion. At this point, they’ve become a modern classic, so there is no real need to stress out over whether you’re soooo 2018 by wearing them – you’re fine.
Distressed jeans are definitely on the casual side, so I would exactly recommend taking them to church or to your aunt’s wedding, but if you’re hanging out with your friends, going out to see a gig, or wearing jeans shorts out to a picnic, distressed ones are a-okay.
Flare / wide leg jeans
Look, I’ve spend a lot of time and effort fighting this, but I’ve got to accept the inevitable – flare jeans are back, in some capacity, and I will learn to love it, damn it. They can be VERY cool, in their own kind of hippie-ish Flower Power way, and they look bangin’ with heels.
You can update them by wearing them with ugly, chunky sneakers. I’m sure Kendall jenner has some sort of outfit featuring them, she is always the first one to jump on the 90s trends.
Is there anything more Flower Power-y than literal floral jeans? I wore holes into a pair of these (yes, of course they ripped in the rear) and I would do it again, because they were dreamy.
The best thing about these is that you can combine the floral trend with the embroidery trend and embroider your own jeans. That way, you get to pick the pattern and the colours, but just a word of caution, as someone who’s worked with jeans before – it’s VERY difficult to sew on this fabric, so be prepared for long hours of careful and frustrating labour. But it’s all worth it!
Gonna say it now, not a big fan of fringe. It’s not for me, I’m not into it, and I just now got a horrifying flashback of a pair of VERY flared jeans with a thick fringed hem. The PTSD is real.
HOWEVER, you might like them and you don’t have to make your sartorial choices based on my personal childhood trauma. If you enjoy fringe, then live your cowboy fantasy, partner! Yee-haw!
Grunge / Ripped jeans
Ripped jeans are always in fashion, and do you know why people love them? Not because Kurt Cobain wore them (although he is an American hero, I think we can all agree), but because they dress down any outfit. You could probably wear a ball gown and if you paired it with ripped jeans, it’ll look casual and understated. I wouldn’t necessarily put that theory to the test.
Hip hop jeans
You KNOW what these jeans look like, and if you don’t, SPOILER ALERT! – they’re baggy as hell. No, seriously, you’ll want to wear your nice undies underneath, because the world will know.
Hip hop jeans go wonderfully with all these different types of sports shoes we’ve been seeing, from ugly dad sneakers to Converse and that whole Vans revival that’s happening. Who knew your middle school faves would ever be in fashion again? Let’s just hope Emo doesn’t come back, because I’ll be forced to burn it to the ground.
Leather front jeans
Thinking about trying out some leather pants, but don’t want to commit to going for that full-on KISS realness? What about just a leather front? That’s right, you can go for just half a rocker look, if you’re not all the way there, in your heart.
They may look a little silly, once you get a look in the back, but from the front, they look bangin’ and that’s all that matters, in the end.
Low rise jeans
I don’t even want to dignify this abomination with an answer or discussion of any kind, because I am deep in denial and here, I will stay.
Low rise jeans are the worst thing that ever happened to humankind, as far as I’m concerned, and I have no desire to relive the days of instant muffin tops, waist bands digging into my hip bones, whale tails (that’s the super classy thing where your thongs come out of your jeans…), or having to get a bikini wax in order to wear super low rise jeans.
If you’re too young to have endured the horror the first time round, then maybe you need some schooling on the matter, so go ask your older sister or mother – we ALL have low rise jeans war stories.
Do I even need to talk about these? You’re probably wearing them right now. I know I am. The ugliest, frumpiest, big-butt-iest jeans are back. We are reunited and it feels soooo good. Look, these aren’t for everyone, but it’s still my firm belief that they are flattering on everyone and there’s a way to make them work, unlike low rise jeans. You just need to find the right pair.
High-waisted, comfy, made from REAL sturdy denim (none of that stretchy spandex BS) – I just don’t see what’s not to love about these. Yeah, sure, they make our butts look big, but so what? Kim Kardashian made an empire out of that.
Rave clothes are batsh*t, but I bet you already knew that. These are next level, because they’re very very very flared, and they’re pretty unisex, which means both you and your bae can rock these AT THE SAME TIME. Justin and Britney who? THIS is the real power couple dressing, right there.
See what I mean? You can totally keep wearing your skinny jeans, it doesn’t mean that they’ll disintegrate on your legs while you’re wearing them just because mom jeans are more popular, now. You just need to style them right.
Just switch from your super dark wash to a true blue and pair them with a white, floaty top, a bardot top, or a cropped t-shirt, and you will have instantly made these babies more 90s and more fashionable.
Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice!
…is what people will shout at your on the street if you wear striped jeans. No, I’m kidding, that was only that one time. And it’s funny. Striped jeans are not only VERY 70s (and 90s), they are also incredibly slimming.
The most slimming. Especially if they’re high-waisted, a bit flared, and if you wear them with heels, your legs will look miles long and everyone else will be hella jealous.
If the classic black and white is entirely too Beetle-Juice-y for you, you can always go for a different colour combo.
Okay, these are hilarious. Do you remember Spliffy? Well, someone’s apparently trying to bring them back, and to that I say YES. I mean, they brought every other godawful trend back, so why not these? They’re cute!
You can wear them ironically, but also…not. With a tight top and some cool shoes, no one will know that you also rocked these 20 years ago.
Will anyone ever be able to pry your skinny jeans from your cold, dead hands?